// I find a new reason to love my country everyday. Wait, did I say love? I didn't mean love. I meant "reason to practice an Irish accent so I can lie to people on cruise ships and thereby avoid being associated with the people that would actually respond and have their opinions altered by mindless ads like this." That's what I meant.
// Now, a short story titled Reason #4,127 Why I'm Falling Weirdly In Love with Apple. About a 7 weeks ago, bad luck struck me with his scepter of misfortune. I still can't figure out how it happened, but my iPod fell out of my pocket somewhere between my car and my bedroom. A day after I came to this conclusion, snow fell in Grosse Ile and my iPod was presumably plowed into perpetual purgatory. I had just gotten my iPhone. This - combined with my assumptions that I would never find it and it wouldn't work anyway - led me to give it the old "f*ck it". Fast forward to this past Thursday: my mother calls me and says in a very exciting manner, "I found your iPod!!!" I was beyond excited until she immediately added in a much more subdued tone, "...and it doen't work at all." Ah. Bummer. When I went home this past weekend, I asked my mom if the coroner cleared me to see the body. Much like I expected, the ipod was caked in mud. But wait, I did have a case on it. I took off the case and noticed the damage wasn't nearly as bad as was reported by the matriarch. What my mom perceived to be a broken iPod was simply a drained battery! My iPod (which I named Chief Song-Hawk because of its red skin) had survived for more than a month and a half in the outdoors! It made it out alive like Tom Hanks in Castaway! Neither rain, nor sleet nor snow will keep me from listening to Bell Biv DeVoe's "Poison" during the walk home from a successful exam. Suck it, Mother Nature. Thanks, Steve Jobs.
// Speaking of music, I was listening to my "Recent Radio" playlist today and my imagination/stupidity got the best of me. FYI: the "Recent Radio" playlist takes my last 100 songs added from the pop, rap, hip-hop, hip hop, hiphop, and/or R&B genres. Gotta love smart playlists. Anyways, I was jamming down the street (and throwing in the occasional shoulder lean) to "Shawty" and I wondered about a potentially awkward social situation in the increasingly politically correct world of ours. Do you think, somewhere out there, that a man has had an African-American girlfriend who was also a little person? Do you think that man - or someone else - has ever made the accidental error of calling an African-American little person woman "shawty"? Not to sound insensitive, but these are the kind of things we need on YouTube.
// I came across a t-shirt the other day. It wasn't just any old t-shirt. I would go so far as to call this t-shirt The Best Invention For Loud, Obnoxious People Like Myself EVER. Look it over then come back..........aaaaaaaand welcome back. Inspired by this glory, I thought about songs I would like to enter a room to. Entrance songs would all require an AWESOME >6 second part if nothing else. Six seconds because that's the maximum amount of time in which one can make a truly bitchin' entrance. Walking around songs could obviously be of greater length. Without further ado....
+ Looking Glass - Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) For the "doodoot doo doo dooooo" portion. A good fit for most situations. Except funerals.
+ Kanye West feat. T-Pain - Good Life The very start when Kanye says, "Like we always do at this time." It'd be great for entering a party.
+ Thin Lizzy - The Boys are Back in Town For when I'm at Sharkey's, pre-idiocy.
+ N.E.R.D. - Lapdance No reason. Although I've always wondered what strip clubs are like.
+ Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up to Boston It could give a man the edge he needs when fighting someone bigger than him. Could've used it on my 19th birthday.
1 comment :
Chief Song-Hawk. Very fitting. And just like its Native American counterpart, it cannot be destroyed. Looks like that baby will be around for a while.
Hone, no Gambler on the list? Imagine unwinding in your favorite chair after a long day with a brew in one hand, the remote in the other, and listening to Kenny Rogers via t-shirt... Would take the edge right off.
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