// The above image was selected by my roommate Ben. He said it made him think back to the good ole' days. I didn't know what that meant, so I just went along and kept sippin' on my Diet Coke. Like an American man should.
// Blog Review: Under the microscope this week is Smashing Telly, a blog that posts videos. But Miiiike! Can't we just watch videos on YouTube or something? Hold the phone, Joe Pepitone. The videos they post are way more rad. Do you ever find yourself sitting and searching for something on TV but nothing is catching your eye? Here is your answer. Have you ever watched Jeopardy with me and wondered how I got so unbelievably good? Here is your answer. The videos posted are documentaries (mostly dealing with academic subjects) that air on foreign TV. This blog isn't for you, John Q. Public. It isn't for the easily amused. But if you're bored and are looking for a little more than your average Home Improvement rerun where Tim Allen goes "Ugh", surf on over and peruse. Youknowit.
// Because he's like a giant letter T that goes f*cking nuts!
// I've often fantasized about pulling neat little tricks on police officers. I've had a plot for years in which I would wash out a fifth of vodka, fill it with water and then stand on a busy corner, dance around and drink the whole damn thing. With gusto. I used to really, really dislike cops. Actually I still do, just not as much since my cousin became a cop in Philly. But still, for the most part I've had nothing but extremely unpleasant experiences with Johnny Law and his goodtime buddies. Were all my run-ins with the law exclusively my fault? Maybe. It's hard to say for certain. There's shades of gray. But getting to the point, these kids in Wisconsin beat me to the pleasantly precocious police prank punch. They pulled a fast one on the fuzz and - just as I imagined - the cops couldn't do diddly. Kudos to them.
// You can pretty much make anything into a video game these days. If they're making this, where's the line anymore? Does it even exist? Why not have a video game version of cleaning your room? That makes just as much sense to me, especially considering I'd much rather watch some jerk clean his room than some jerk mash on 50 hot dogs.
// If you're eager for a chuckle, and let's be honest, who isn't? Am I right? Am I right or what, America? Aww yeeeahhh..... If you're eager for a chuckle, check out this list compiled by the New York Post. It's basically a long list of jokes. Good jokes, though. Way better than anything I'm writing.
// Time for America's favorite running blog segment: Young Idiots & Their Science Experiments. Let's make fun of some children!
And you thought we couldn't top "Animal Magnetism". Let's start with that title. Even if the kid made a poorly titled science experiment, EVEN IF it's a presentation that was made by a kid whose class was down by the boiler room, EVEN IF the kid has developed a drinking problem by age 11 (see above), most well-educated individuals can deduct what the experiment is by it's title. Not on their watch. What could this experiment be? A taste test between various sodas and cleaning agents? An experiment to see how much cleaning agent is already in your drink? A social experiment to see if drunk middle school girls will drink cleaning agents and pretend they're drunk in order to hook up with the first kid who frosted his tips? The questions are infinite, the answers are few. Judging by their collective smiley, dipshit faces, these idiots share at least a little genetic material. Either that or they have some affliction that I probably shouldn't be making fun of. Either way, I have a theory: somewhere just outside an SEC campus, in a college bar around 1995, someone asked these kids' parents, "Cleaning Agents? Your Drink?" The parents, unable to hear over the Macarena and/or Spin Doctors CDs, said yes. The results of the Windex in their bloodstream and an unfortunately broken condom are the two gentlemen we see above. God Bless America? Yep. You betcha. God Bless America!
// Lastly, let's enjoy a viral video. Warning: this isn't a non-gross video. Yeah, that was a double negative. It's the blogosphere, baby. Suck it. Seriously though, there's no nudity or vomit or any other bodily fluid, but it's still a wee bit nasty. Unless you're legit squeemish, there's no reason to avoid this. Two things. 1) The music is from the first fight between Rocky and Apollo Creed. 2) It's scary how close I've come to doing something similar to this. Thanks, Sinbad. The actor. He's my guardian angel. Let's hit it!
2 comments :
those little brats above looked like they just mainlined drano and are loving it. that should be their next experiment.
Yeah those Wisconsin kids really put one past the cops. Glad they enjoyed laughing at the police because they blew triple zeros on the breathalyzer.
I admire them proving a point. However, it's likely they lost all the confidence gained from their little victory when the sober chicks didnt get naked from drinking root beer and left the party at midnight.
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