Can "Entourage" Get Back to Not Sucking?

I remember the summer of 2005 very well. "Deep Throat" - the informant in Nixon's Watergate scandal - finally revealed his identity. Although some people claimed he came forth for money, it didn't matter because he died soon thereafter. Bummer for him. Another big event for the summer: the acquittal of Michael Jackson. He's a weird dude, but the MNStream prefers to remember him for his really, really, really good music and the equally impressive dance moves. Lance Armstrong won another Tour, the Pistons forced a game 7 on the Spurs, and the whole summer was just a great time. It was like one long happy time for everyone to have before Hurricane Katrina. Also, I had an awesome Massachusetts fake ID, and we all know everything seems better whilst drunk.

The summer of '05 was also when I was introduced to Entourage. I was a late addition to the fan base as it was season 2. It was a perfect show for young men. Escapism at its finest. What better way to spend Sunday nights than living vicariously through an up-and-coming Hollywood lothario and his 3 best buds from home? Idiots like myself would wind down the weekend by drinking Busch Lights with one hand on our crotch saying, "Yeah... that's how I'd do it." It was almost too much fun to watch. This camouflaged the show's now obvious shortcomings. I didn't know it at the time, but Entourage would get worse with every single episode - no exceptions - after season 2.

Press fast forward to this past fall and you'll find the Sunday wind-down is still happening: casual beers, rogue down-pants hand, delivery dinner that sounded better on the menu. It's all there... but something's missing. Watching Entourage has become like sex with a spouse you've grown to hate. You're just going through the motions, not enjoying yourself at all. So what happened? How did this once glorious half-hour of laughs, language problems, and loose-moral ladies become relegated to my "Yeah If Nothing Else is On" echelon of programming? Three reasons...

1) No one except Jeremy Piven can act well. If the show is built around following the exploits of a supposedly great actor, they should probably cast that part with a great actor. If they can't find a great actor, settle for a really good actor. Adrian Grenier isn't close the to "really good" level. In disproportionate qualifying terms, he is on the "should start working hard at behind-the-scenes stuff" level. There are times when I watch this show and I really can't get over his badness. I'm picking on him because the nature of his role makes his bad acting all the more obvious, but the other 3 amigos (E, Turtle, Drama) also suck. Drama (Kevin Dillon) has an interesting case. The character he is playing is supposed to be a bad actor. He's become confused, though. He's portraying a bad actor very poorly. You'd think the double negative would make the performance watchable, but it doesn't.

2) They overdid the shtick. Doug Ellin (creator, exec. producer) seems like a guy you'd hate to be around at a party. He'd tell the same half-decent stories over and over even if he knew you'd heard them all before. Eventually after 50 parties with the guy, you just wish he'd do some drugs and try to fight someone twice his size, just to mix it up a bit. Hey Doug: WE GET IT. Drama mistakenly thinks he's tough and worldly, E is a conservative romantic type, Turtle is a fat moocher, Vince likes to get laid, Ari is energetic and mean. There. I just described every one of the 54 episodes. There has been little to no deviation from this painfully basic formula since season 1 in 2004. Go outside and play, Doug. Have some interesting stuff happen to you.

3) The writers ran out of new ideas in '05. The next time you watch an episode (for some reason I cannot possibly fathom, I'll still probably on-demand the show when it resumes in the fall), try doing this exercise: every time a character says, "______, Turtle. ______" take a shot. **WARNING:** Don't really do this, you'll die before the end credits. WHO TALKS LIKE THIS? Drama will say, "Too many times, Turtle. Too many times." Then E will say, "Maybe he will, Vince. Maybe he will." Lloyd once took the crap-dialogue cake when he said, "In my mind I did, Ari. In my mind, I did." The writers must sit down every week and come to the conclusion that if they keep using that format for speaking and then throw in as many F-words as they can, the show will be good. I guess they're wrong, MNStream readers. I guess they're wrong. <--- See? It just sounds so stupid. 

There it is. Entourage: the TV show equivalent of drinking on Tuesdays at school. It's cool for a while because it's new. Eventually, you realize it's dumb. 

THE LINK DUMP:
+ Top 10 Baseball Oddities. Obv: I'm super-duper excited for baseball season.
+ Why Raptors fans hate Vince Carter. **WARNING:** makes you hate Vince Carter.
+ Matt Millen's draft record. I don't understand the world.
+ Echo Park Time Travel Mart. Again, I don't understand the world.