MNStream: Full Strength

// The above image conveys the message "those aren't women." Pretty clever, no? Check the rest out at this catalog of Modern Hobo Code.

// Let's not mix words. This was already the best site on the internet. Even when we weren't updating for months at a time, we were still thinking better than all of those other run-of-the-mill rhetoric factories. Then - as if ordained by The Big Man - we come back full force with an additional two starters? To quote Jimmy Johnson, "That's one reason for the domination." Mig and Slop-Bucket turn an already formidable trifecta into a starting five that definitely opens the season as an overwhelming favorite. After all, the Celtics wouldn't have beaten the Pistons last year without Rondo and Perkins. I'm just saying. To Mig and Slop-B: get it on.

// The last two times I've gone to Meijer, the greeter has failed to greet me. Both times I thought to myself, "What is that?" It's not as if they were deep into a conversation about the foreign currency markets. Both greeters were just standing there, by themselves, armed with a thousand-yard stare. Eye contact, slight nod, paused stroll; I utilized every method I knew to elicit some sort of salutation. Alas, my efforts proved futile. At this point, why is there a greeter being employed at all? Furthermore, if they're shirking their sole responsibility of greeting, what does their job title transform into? Stander? Human? Wet Noodle With a Heartbeat? The next time I go into Meijer - or for that matter, any store that employs a greeter - and I don't receive the expected hello, I'm going to engage the greeter in a super-close-quarters conversation detailing my predictions for the coming week's weather. One thing you can be sure of: when I'm the customer, those employees are going to earn every effing penny of that hourly wage.

// I really like most pop music. It's not even a guilty pleasure. I feel no guilt. I like to dance, so what? Are you going to bust my chops for dancing? Go listen to the Staind album and think about the next "snarling dragon" design you're going to draw on your backpack with a Bic pen, jackass. The point is I like most pop music. One exception, however, is Katy Perry. One of my least favorite musical acts since I've been alive is Pink (she sometimes spells it P!nk because she's close to the street, and that's how the kids are spelling it these days). The reason I don't care much for Katy Perry is because she sounds a lot like Pink. I'd be willing to bet that at least 25% of people thought "I Kissed a Girl" was the new Pink song when they first heard it on the radio. The same goes for "Hot N Cold". Is that whole persona really anything noteworthy? The whole "cool rocker bitch" thing? The entire basis for all their albums sales is "I don't give a crap about your feelings, dude, 'cuz I'm gonna FIGHT some other chicks tonight!!!!" Aside from domestic abuse survivors, why is this music appealing to anybody? Meehhhhh.... tub-deez.

// From the "Far Be It From Me To Complain, But..." Department: Even though my last two posts were almost totally Obama-related, I feel like I have to mention one more thing regarding the inauguration ceremony. If you'll reminisce with me for a moment, remember my reviews of Indiana Jones and Die Hard 4? In effect, I said that just because CGI provides for a more spectacular brand of explosions and mayhem, it doesn't need to be used ad nauseam. Old-fashioned, real explosions worked just fine for most of us. I kind of found a correlation with the media coverage of Barack's Inauguration Address. My work (that feels weird to say) prevented me from seeing the live feed, so I watched it via DVR at around 1 PM. One thing immediately stood out to me: there wasn't the slightest hint of an echo. I deduced that the microphones the networks used were wired into the podium to cut down on the echo. To that I ask, "Why?" Think about some other notable speeches from the past. When Lou Gehrig said, "Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the Earth", don't you recall the echoes that rang when he paused? I feel like those echoes added something. The dirge of technology rears its ugly head again. Let's make one thing clear: I am definitely not a Luddite. I embrace technology like I embraced fried food in 2005: often and very affectionately. Just because we are capable of new (and some would say better) ways to do things doesn't mean we always have to employ the newest methods. I would've liked the speech better with a slight echo, that's all.

// Link Dump.... fills it up!

+ These warriors would've been most welcome when I used to think there were child-eating monsters residing in my bedroom closet.

+ Truthful TV Title Cards. C'mon! Who feels like a chuckle?

+ Humiliating Pet Costumes. While I agree the costumes look atrocious, don't they somehow make the model dogs look that much cuter? Boy, I want a dog. (Translation: Boy, I'm sad and lonely.)

+ Erotic iPod Speaker Set Housing. Does this qualify as avant-garde or is it just weird and nasty? I lean towards the latter.

+ Anatomy of a Kissy Face. So true. I haven't seen a girl actually smile for a picture in months.

// Good Monday. Enjoy your week everybody!