Selecciones para el Fútbol Americano de la Universidad para la Semana Seis y Otras Cosas

// Lo siento for the spanish title, but I just got back from Spanish and I've got the pep in my step that can only come from hearing that sexy, sexy language. ¡Ay! In keeping with tradition, I'd like to crack wise about a few non-football items before we delve into this week's version of the inevitable disaster known as "my picks". For yours truly, yesterday was a day dominated by the presidential election. After my morning classes, I moseyed on over to the West Circle side of the MSU campus to take in the most dynamic speaker since Cyrus in The Warriors: Barack Obama. The gates opened at 11:30, so I surmised that if I staked my claim in the queue at 10:15 I'd be good to go. Gargantuan mistake. I've only been to Cedar Point twice in my life, so my frame of reference is pretty limited, but this line was at least quadruple anything I've seen in Sandusky. The final attendance estimates pegged the crowd at 20,000+. If that's truly the case, I'd say 80% of the mob was ahead of me in line an hour and a half before the gate. The feeling of awe that overcame me seems weird; I've seen way bigger crowds before. I've spent many fall Saturdays in East Lansing and Ann Arbor, whose stadiums hold 75,000+ and 105,000+, respectively. Why the incredulity at a crowd roughly 1/5th the size of the Big House? It was the line. At its point of greatest girth, the line was 3-4 people wide, so my perspective was skewed. Quickly summing up this pointless, boring story: I remained standing for about 6 hours, quite possibly my longest non-sitting stretch since my prolific profit-lowering days at Tim Horton's. The speech given by the next President (any doubters remain?) was good, albeit a tad lacking in specifics. But nowadays, whose speeches aren't like that? Overall, I'm glad I went. When I got home, a quick dinner and some good dialogue with my roommate Stick-Peezy set the table for the Vice-Presidential debate. My initial viewing motive was to see the anticipated train-wreck by the woman who is single-handedly redefining the word train-wreck, Sarah Palin. Surprisingly, she wasn't that awful. While she did answer questions like one of the perps in Law & Order being interrogated by Jesse Martin and Jerry Orbach (my favorite duo), her overall demeanor in dealing with Senator Biden's offense was commendable. The majority of pundits are calling the debate a tie, and I can't disagree. I had one critique of Biden while watching: I found myself wishing he would dole out more thinly-veiled criticisms of A) Palin's complete lack of experience in national policy-making, and B) the Republican party as a whole and the leadership of the past 8 years. I'm paraphrasing here, but Palin had many comments that basically alluded to, "Sorry, Senator Biden, but I don't think America's been happy with how the government's been running things lately." Just once - once - I wish Biden would have came back with, "You're absolutely right, Governor Palin. The government's been doing a terrible job the last 8 years, that's the main reason Senator Obama and I are running. The American people deserve new leadership, new policies, and new ideas in the White House. Four years under John McCain wouldn't give our country the change it needs and deserves, and I thank you for bringing up that point." OK, so I thought about that for a while. During the debate, I had a moment of self-realization; I don't think I'd make it as a speech writer - I come off too smug and petty. But if Biden said something to that effect, I don't think that would get construed as a super-harsh verbal barb, just some balls-y rancor. Enough blather, let's talk college ball.

// Jeez-o-peets, where to begin? Last week, while very fun to watch, was disastrous to me in the picks column. Earlier this week, my failings were kindly pointed out to me by noted fantasy sports warlord Hugh Noet. Hubris be damned, I have to write a rebuttal rationalization. A couple of my ridiculous pratfalls can be attributed to lack of knowledge and/or good judgment. I called Florida my second choice for "Lock of the Week". Oops. I basically called USC a perfect team. Again, oops. When favorites that big lose outright and I can't see it, there's no way around it. That's bad. The other losses I didn't feel as bad about. Ohio State failed to cover solely because of garbage time points by the Gophers. Michigan... well, Michigan. Where's my silver lining there? I owe a sincere mea culpa to the football deities for holding the maize & blue in such low regard. I hope that doesn't bite me on the rump on October 25th. In my defense, I did sort of call the upset when I said this was the first time I'd even picked against UofM - even in my unfathomably-beautiful-blonde-hair-covered head - and that Michigan would make me pay the price. I'm really grasping at straws here. Touché, Coach Rodriguez. Really though, even my wins - which were like finding two pennies on the same day your house burns down - were marred by my post-pick babbling in which I said I wasn't too sure about them. So, it all begs the question: what does a now-.500 prognosticator do after a meltdown like my week 5? He cinches up the belt, give himself two (2) slightly-harder-than-they-need-to-be smacks on the cheek, and puts his head down like he's 4th and goal from the 1. LET'S HIT IT!

// Week of 10/4/08. Home teams in ALL CAPS.

+ Penn State (-14) over PURDUE -- I feel ashamed I have to ask this, but who has the final say for what time games are played? It has to be either the home team, the conference, or the media outlet, right? If it is in fact the home team (and I think that's true in most cases), shame on Purdue. You're playing host to the 6th-ranked Nittanies, coming off their best win of the season, and it's a nooner? At least give yourselves a chance! What I like about Penn State is this: the defense is fast (not great, but fast) and the offense can adapt and score in a variety of ways. By the way, how about Derrick Williams? Lauded as one of the best athletes in the country on the recruiting trail, he was a freshman during Penn State's dream '05 and looked ultra-promising. His potential has gone - for the most part - unrealized. Last week, though... what a sight. 1999 Peter Warrick-esque. Dig it: I look at this game and I can't shake a couple thoughts. Purdue looks like a team without any chutzpah. They crapped away a home game to Oregon, squeaked by LeFevour and Central, and then last week they played Notre Dame. In such a big rivalry game for the Boilers, they came out flatter than the 2-liters of Fresca my Dad drinks over 10-day intervals. FYI: Fresca = terrible. Purdue's toothless persona plus a Penn State team that looks bona fide championship-caliber equals a home dog that I can't give a second glance to. JoePa wins by 17-20.

+ ALABAMA (-16.5) over Kentucky -- It's funny to think that a year ago, Kentucky probably would've been favored in this tilt, regardless of venue. That's why - as you can recall - I deemed Saint Nicholas the best coach in the SEC. I want to quickly mention one of the countless reasons why college football is so much better than the professional variety. Last week, Bama was excellent; truly a joy to watch. Aside from last year's Pats, excellence is something you rarely see in the NFL. The Cowboys - thought invincible by many - lost in a fashion that was much worse than their score against the Redskins indicated. I enjoy watching a team (read: any team not playing my Spartans) that is 100% in sync. Right about now, Roll Tide fits that bill to a T. Kentucky doesn't have the personnel to hang with Bama, especially during the hero's welcome Bama will receive at Bryant-Denny. Lay these points, baby.

+ Texas Tech (-8) over KANSAS STATE -- I hate it when I vehemently disagree with Vegas. They're so good at what they do, my big disagreements feel inherently wrong. You know what I say to that? I say to that what I say to a lot of things: EFF IT. My record notwithstanding, I'm not a complete idiot. I know some things. First, Texas Tech can score score score score score. Score. Mike Leach puts up points like the Cohens put up Ryan in The OC. Yeah, I watch the show online. Take away my dude license, I don't care. Second, Kansas State has never been the same since Bill Snyder left. They're an afterthought. An also-ran. At best. I don't think they can stay within 8 points of the Sexual Orientation Ambiguous Zorros. Book it.

+ Lock of the Week: Ohio State (-2) over WISCONSIN -- Another home dog. And I wonder why I'm not better at this. Hey, I've got an idea! Are you busy right now? No? Good, let's take a leisurely stroll down Flimsy Reasoning Avenue. A line of two - in a sport in which Vegas usually spots the home team 4 or 4.5 points - means it's not too far removed from a pick 'em. If someone came up and asked what I thought about this game straight up and then offered me a piece of blueberry-flavored coffee cake, I'd say, "I think Ohio State will win this game, and yes, I would love some of that coffee cake." It's Terrell Pryor's first Big Ten road game, and a more daunting challenge than a night game in Camp Randall is hard to find. I think a heavy dose of Beanie Wells and the mean Buckeye defense can carry most of the load to the point where they might only need TP to make 3-4 dynamic plays. I say he does it. Plus, I'm still upset with Wisconsin for enticing me into breaking one of my life-long cardinal rules of picks by looking sexy last week. Go have a Halloween party, jerks.

+ MICHIGAN STATE (-7) over Iowa -- Shocker, I know. Can you blame me, though? Iowa's allegedly stout D gave up three TDs through the air last week. Granted, they shut down 'Stream favorite Tyrell Sutton, but allow me to channel my inner Sean Salisbury (we absolutely don't miss you, Sean) for a second when I say, "I've seen Javon Ringer, I've followed Javon Ringer, I've scouted Javon Ringer, and I can tell you, Tyrell Sutton is no Javon Ringer!" Ok... whoa. Whoa. Boy, I gotta be careful. One can only stay in Salisbury mode for so long; any more than 20 seconds and you risk developing an urge to frost your tips once you turn 47. If the Hawkeyes do manage to ring in Ringer (zing), this game could get pretty interesting. Brian Hoyer doesn't inspire a ton of confidence, although he did look much better at Indiana last week. I think the Spartan defense will have a nice day against Iowa QB Stanzi (quick note: WHO?!?), especially with the return of Kendell Davis-Clark. In the end, I feel better about this spread than I did against Indiana. The most underrated factor of your team being coached by Dantonio is his refusal to let your team play flat for more than a quarter. MSU no longer plays to the level of their competition. They beat the teams they're supposed to beat, and they keep it close enough for a miracle against teams they shouldn't. Go Green!

Last Week: 2-4
Season: 8-8-1
LOTW: 1-2 (yikes)