Mainstream is back!

Welp, Mainstream is back again. A little bit older now, there are new life experiences that we would like to share with you. We’ll get to that later, but right now I would like to introduce the MNstream team. For starters we have Kevin, and here is his bibliography.

On Sunday April 14, 1985 the stars and planets were in alignment and the birth of Kevin took place, which many historians will later dub “Bloody Sunday”. Scholar Thomas Macaulay, author of “Kevy D: Man, Myth, and Legend”, was quoted as saying, “The birth of Kevin was like the American Revolution, the dropping of the atomic bomb, and the first time I lost my virginity happening all at the same time.” Kevin’s birth, only second to Jesus’, took place on Mount Olympus. Witnesses present were Zeus, Ho Chi Minh, Marie Antoinette, Ronald Reagan, Jay-Z, Mike Babcock, Julius Caesar, Jimmy Hendrix, Hillary Clinton, and Robert Beaudrie, who was scouting prospects.

After this event, little is known about Kevin’s childhood, what is known is that by the age of 12 Kevin would earn his right to compete in the Olympics and was invited to join the USA basketball team, a.k.a., “The Dream Team” for his beyond human comprehension of balance, mobility, and competition. Kevin, unfortunately, would find himself on the bench. Historians would later compare this event to Hitler’s jail sentence in the 1920’s, where he only grew angrier and wrote “Mein Kampf”. After this humiliation, Kevin immediately hit the books and the gym. By the age of 13 Kevin could fluently speak in English, German, French, Spanish, Japanese, Russian, and Latin. By the age of 14 Kevin had flown around the world in a single engine plane, started a small business project codenamed: Google, which he would later make millions in, won The World Series single handily, shook the hand of three U.S. Presidents, co-wrote a movie called ‘The Matrix’, been declared clinically dead two times, invented Napster, and had a threesome.

While Kevin attended High School he received the highest honor a high school man can earn, and that is of course, Student Council President.
Kevin reformed his high school the only way he knew how… through power. Several victims have come forward in saying that Kevin would walk around the halls punching guys in the balls… not for pain, but to check to see if they had a hard-on for him… if they didn’t, then the real pain would begin. While Kevin’s football career is somewhat notable, the biggest event that will go down in Kevin’s life is the honor he received from Mnstream.com. On April 1st 2003, Kevin was honored with the Mnstream.com’s most notable medal… the #1 fan of the month. Keep in mind, at the time, Mainstream had already been called the greatest website on earth by Rolling Stone, Playboy, TIME, Hustler, The New York Times, Maxim, and Fox & Hounds. For receiving this award Kevin was proudly displayed on the mnstream.com’s website and he was given a scholarship to the University of Michigan.

His first years at college were pretty typical of any young boy entering an adult scene. Kevin was unmotivated and wanted to drink all the time. Enter the downfall of Kevin. While many scholars debate this topic till today, the most popular opinion shared is that Kevin just loved too much. He could only give so much. The nail in the coffin occurred in the summer of 2006 when Kevin visited Germany. The German people would later compare this event to the holocaust. Today, Kevin is just an average guy. He has to eat, drink, and live like the rest of us. As part of his rehab program, Kevin will be forced to participate in the blogs for MNstream. We’re going to have to take him kicking and screaming, but let’s all give him a chance.

Next up is a man that will make you rethink your life after a ten minute conversation with him. Of course, it would be unfair to speak of Mike’s life after hearing the story of Kevin, but we will try. On Tuesday July 16th, 1985 a boy was born and named Michael because his mother was a huge Michael Keaton fan. Till this day, if you ask him, Mike will swear that his life goal is to meet and have a beer with Michael Keaton. A Michigan native, Mike had mastered the artistry of the fur trade and was a master lumberjack by the age of seven.

During his younger years, Mike was well known for his athletic skills, and, in fact the entire nation became aware of these skills after he was an athlete on Global Guts at the age of twelve.
Mike proudly represented the United States while competing against representatives from Jamaica and the United Kingdom. Mike excelled in the events Slam-A-Jam, Triple Jump, and Boogie Down. Also, Mike went down in Guts history as the only athlete to cry during the ‘Spill Your Guts’ segment. The Super Aggro Crag, however, did not disappoint. The falling rocks, lightening effects, and flying glitter proved to be too much for Mike. A second place finish seemed inevitable. However, as luck would have it, Mo’ was also on the top of her game and quickly reprimanded the Jamaican and penalized him for accidentally hitting the Brit’s actuator. Mike won first place by default and earned the honor of being able to take home a glowing piece of the Aggro Crag, which is still proudly displayed on his fireplace mantle.

Mike was lucky enough to attend the same high school as Kevin. Mike’s high school career is also very notable, but his greatest honor was also given to him by MNstream.com. He was invited to editorialize on the blog and quickly became famous worldwide as one of the world’s greatest blogger. He was invited to speak at universities nation wide and won several awards. The ad revenue from MNstream was easily enough to pay for an education at Michigan State University. Mike claims that he has not lost his blogging touch and will definitely not disappoint, welcome back, Mike.